I want to talk about something that has been bugging me for an age, as Dumbledore might say. It’s something that I have struggled with to be very honest, and it’s also something that I don’t think I will ever get over. Shoes. Yes shoes. If we are very candid for a few brief seconds, and brief I hope they will remain, we can clearly decipher my indescribable issue with the purchase of, and consequential use of shoes. Just to give a little imagery to my issue, my room currently has 14 pairs of shoes organized neatly in one corner. Yes I wear them. And yes they are quite stylish. The point is, that’s 2 for every day of the week. Now let’s bring back the candid camera for a second and tally how many pairs I actually own. Let’s just call it a lot. If I am honest with my readers (which of course I am…), I have to admit to having a situational collection of shoes. For example, my Clarks desert boots will only be worn in dry, unsalted terrain where the environment will not damage the leather, and I live by that to this day. Don’t judge me, they were expensive and are quite stylish. If I wanted to trudge around in the sloshing pits of the Midwestern winters, I would wear any other of my countless, more adventure inclined boots (all 5 of them). The same goes for my Birkenstocks. If it’s wet, you can bet your bottom dollar they won’t be on my feet. My basketball shoes have never felt the touch of a surface apart from a waxed gym floor. My bike shoes are for biking, running shoes for running, and boat shoes for boating. Let’s not forget work boots for work (which I have to wear every day oddly enough). It’s quite simple really.

What remains to be said is why I have so many, and why do I need so many? The answer? I don’t know. Who cares. To be honest, I just bought a new pair while skyping last night (figure 1). And you know what? They also can’t be worn in the rain, and that doesn’t bother me. What business do I have walking around in the rain anyways?

figure 1

If I were to presume myself a master of self-diagnosis, which I may very well be, I would imagine my recent shoe purchasing is a result of the lack of shoe wearing options in my field of work. Maybe it’s a vice. Maybe not. After spending 14 hours in steel toed boots maybe my mind is crying out for any other type of footwear, preferably more stylish, to wear. That’s probably it. As a result, my work shoe to work ratio is quite low, somewhere in the range of 2, while my everything else to not work ratio is somewhere in the clouds at a healthy 16 or so.

Just on a side note, I hate Crocs with the fire of a thousand suns in a Turkish bathhouse. They aren’t shoes. They are dumb, look dumb, and are often worn by dumb people who can’t tie shoes, or avoid puddles. Shoes should be crafted by cobblers in a sweaty Chinese shack, not by a mold in a modern facility.

That’s all.
Ps. I would like to give a shout out to my shoe purchasing mentor. A man whose shoe purchasing is well respected, and whom I try to model my shoe purchasing after (I run most my selections through him before buying). The man who came out on top with only a few scratches from the great boot shortage of the 90’s, the great shoe (mostly boot) purchaser himself, Mr. John Baldwin.



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